Pizza Wut?!

Oh my god! Are you Fucking kidding me?! Pizza Hut just came out with "The Natural" (I need to stop watching TV and paying attention), multigrain crust, all natural pepperoni, all natural mozzarella cheese and all natural sauce made from vine ripened tomatoes. OK, the multigrain crust is definitely new, but the other "all Natural" toppings? What the hell were they putting on it before?!
This is the kind of bullshit market schemes that we're not supposed to pay attention to, we're just supposed to go- "Oh hey, that sounds great! I can have pizza and feel good about it." We're never supposed to think- "hmmm, what's in their regular pizzas? I should check into that?" Which by the way you can not do on their website, you can see what "toppings" they offer but not the ingredients that go into those toppings. Remember, this is the modern age, just because you buy cut up red pepper doesn't mean the only ingredient is red pepper, and tomato sauce may have things in it that a Harvard scholar can't even pronounce.
Now if you want REAL pizza with REAL FOOD ingredients you should make your own or if you're in Columbus, Ohio you can check out Stoned Pizza (http://www.stonedpizzacafe.biz/), they are doing it right, fresh, whole ingredients baked old school-brick oven style. I'm sure there are plenty of other options available as well, but I warn you, you will have to pay a little more for it. It does after all cost money to grow and harvest food, noticeably more than it costs to concoct a formula of chemicals that simply resemble food. That reminds me, if you really want to have a difficult conversation with an child, don't start talking about drugs or sex, instead try explaining the culinary conundrum of Velveeta or American Cheese Food. I went around for fifteen minutes with my eight year old and neither of us could unravel the mysteries-"they call it cheese food because it's not really cheese but it's kind of like cheese but not really..." But I digress. The point is, don't just watch, listen and pay attention, especially if you really want to eat better and healthier because the businesses don't care about you or what you need, they just want you to believe that they are selling you a better product, even when they're not. If they cared about what people needed they wouldn't continue to sell foods laden with chemicals and preservatives after they began to sell their so-called Natural products. Also, don't be fooled by the buzz words they have learned to exploit such as "Organic", just because it's organic doesn't mean it's really any better, hell I saw "Organic pancake and waffle batter" in a fucking aerosol can the other day, I mean c'mon really?! I guess it doesn't matter as long as in the end, we're still eating corn. Yea Iowa!

Motorhead

Sorry if the title mislead you but this is about the American auto industry, not about the English Heavy Metal band (I have nothing bad to say about Lemme & the boys). I realize that this is somewhat old news, but give me some slack, it's the holidays! I couldn't pass up the opportunity to wax-poetic on the ridiculousness of the "big three".
I find it rather irritating that small businesses when faced with hard times or our well advertised failing economy, are forced to suck it up, do for themselves, cross their fingers and pray and hope that they will be able to make things work out for the best. However, large multi-million dollar corporations that have over the past few decades continuously put out products that are inefficient and have considerably shorter life spans than products from decades past, while all the while becoming more and more expensive , both to acquire and to maintain, these companies can get government help. What the hell?!
A company that makes a below average product (as the big three have done) can pay their CEO's and "higher-up's" ridiculous salaries (more than enough for three well off families) with loads of benefits and private planes (and I'm sure they don't pay for their vehicles either), then they can wastefully overproduce their products and practice less than strategic or "shotty" business management practices, then ask the government to help dig them out of a hole.
Yes, they can ask for this help. They can do it with a straight face and no feeling of guilt or irresponsibility. And the real kick in the ass?! The government will be do it! Not only that, but the money being used to bail these fools out comes from us! We have been subjected to their poor craftsmanship and gouging prices for years, and now we get to fork over more money so they can continue to screw things up!
Don't get me wrong, I do understand that they employ a very LARGE number of people (surprisingly a lot of Americans since their product is barely built from American parts). I think that's the only reason the government agreed to help, sort of a "we'll help you to save ourselves" kind of move. I feel bad for the people that have, will or worry about losing their jobs, especially in areas where there are few or no other job opportunities that compensate as well.
You may think that I sound unAmerican for ripping on these morons, for portraying these iconic American companies as the bad guys. Well, I beg to differ. I full heartedly switched my automotive allegiance to Honda a few years ago, I know they are not an "American" company, they are Japanese (at least they're not Chinese or they would likely be laced with lead and Melamine, but that's another story), but they have numerous facilities in the U.S. where they employ Americans and they produce a product that has improved in quality and efficiency. I would say that makes them more "American" than the big three.
I'm not offering any grand resolution for this problem, I haven't the knowledge, understanding or experience to deal with a cluster-fuck this large, but I will say that the next time you go look at cars to buy or lease, perhaps you should consider whether you want to support a company simply because they were born in the U.S. or Support a company because they actually support the U.S.?

A fart by any other name would smell just as sweet...

As you may notice, I have changed the name of my blog. I think I have made a fairly decent argument that our western foods are in a downward spiral from their growing practices to the nutrition education to the obvious health problems caused by both. I have decided on the new title to more aptly describe the "happy yammerings" that I will put forth from now on. I will likely continue to regurgitate on many things food oriented, however, I will (as I already have) also be illuminating an array of other subjects such as the detestable snowfall happening outside at this moment, or anything else that comes to mind and happens to spill forth from my mouth like some kind of verbal bulimia (nice imagery huh?). Until I arrive at my next moment of inspiration, I bid you all good corn eating.

Hammer & Scalpel

"From each according to his abilities, to each according to his needs". That probably sends chills down the spines of most red blooded Americans, at least the ones who actually know where the quote comes from, Karl Marx, the father of Communism. I have to say that personally, I'm not completely against this very basic concept, nor I suspect are most people. It is the way this ideal plays out in humankind that is less than agreeable to most, especially when taking into account the tendency of people in the U.S. to take advantage of any and all opportunities to get something for nothing. For this reason, I am not a Communist or Socialist per se, however I am definitely not a Capitalist either, I think recent events have proven that they are just as likely to destroy a country as anyone else. But before I go off on any other tangents, allow me to get to the subject of today's rant- Socialized Health care.
I know a lot of folks are really against this idea but I can't seem to wrap my brain around why, of all the things that really should be "socialized", I believe health care is the one. Access to decent affordable health care (not the sick care we currently have) should be a staple in any supposedly advanced society such as we have here. I've heard the argument that the Capitalization drives competition in the health care "market" and is what keeps the science advancing and is the reason we have such good health care in this country. Hmmmm, I'm not buying it. I think that's why we have daily needed medications that people (especially the elderly) can barely afford and why there are so many treatments and medications for simple vanities such as bigger boobs fuller lips and fewer wrinkles around the eyes (warning: side effects may include inability to smile, frown, wink, blink or resemble normal human beings for a limited time).
Simply put, we are more concerned with treating the symptoms than with curing the diseases, otherwise I'm sure we would have come up with some better options for cancers by now and fewer options for penis enlargement or how to make your eyeliner perfect. We continue to flood store shelves with a veritable cornucopia of headache medications but never do anything to make sure that the massive quantities of chemicals being pumped into our foods are really safe after decades of consumption. To rip on my new favorite commercial-Oh yes, of course High Fructose Corn Syrup is similar to sugar (because that's so freakin healthy!) and is perfectly safe when consumed in moderation. Well for one, this is the U.S. and our nutrition education for kids pretty much ends after first grade so no one knows how to eat healthy, and two, how do you determine moderation when the government subsidizes inedible commodity corn production so much that we have mountains of the stuff being turned into corn syrup and then pumped into nearly every processed food on the shelf. Why is it that kids born in 2000 are to be the first generation to live shorter lives than their parents? Why is it that Obesity has become a nationwide epidemic in the past ten years? and why is it that Adult onset diabetes had to be renamed Type II diabetes due to the overwhelming number of children diagnosed with the disease? Oh yeah! It's because we value money more than human lives, That's right! It's more important to have a marketable product than a beating heart because that's what helps keep the economy strong and makes us a powerful nation, that's what keeps up the competition in the medical world so they will work harder to find the next miracle pill that will cost so much that you have to decide what you need more on pharmacy day, groceries or medications. Luckily for us, or food is becoming more chemical than food, so perhaps eventually we won't have to decide between the two, they will be the same thing, No wonder we made it the Food and Drug Administration! But now I'm starting to go into a whole other realm, so I'll stop there and bid you you all-good corn eating!

Definition of Change

This really has nothing to do with food, but not everything I have written so far is edible oriented anyhow. Since everything we hear or see lately has to do with either the economy or the presidential election, I figured I might as well jump on the band wagon and put my two cents in. "Change", possibly the most overused word in the campaign of both Obama and McCain, and probably used just as emptily by both. Something I have noticed this year more than others, there are only two options for the next president, or so the media would make it seem. Not once have I heard mention of any other candidates that are running, nor have I heard mention of any other parties that exist aside from the Republicans and the Democrats. I think it's an unfortunate shame that we are given so little information by or "media", that we can not rely on what we hear or see on the news to inform us of anything of real importance.
I agree with one thing that I keep hearing, "we need a change!" I however don't honestly believe that either of the same two parties that have consistently been in power in this country will ever bring any true "change". There are other options out there, just because you have registered as a member of a certain party doesn't mean you have to vote for that party, they won't come to your house and beat you up.
If you really want a change, vote outside of the box! Actually look at some of the candidates that aren't being advertised by the media like the latest car model. OR, if you really can't decide, don't just point and shoot, but go with none of the above! Remember in school when you didn't see the correct answer on a multiple choice, "non of the above" was the correct answer to choose. besides, on a selfish note, I'd really like to see what would happen if the majority voted for no one, it couldn't be any worse than what we've been getting. After all, with our economy the way it is, we're really just buying time until China takes charge of their property anyhow.

Herding Instinct

Cattle, sheep, goats, even Bison, all herd animals. We as human beings have determined ourselves to be far above these lowly "stupid" animals (ironic since we basically made them "stupid") for a number of reasons, one in particular is that we are independent and free thinking. We don't follow the same patterns as these lesser beings in our daily lives. We refuse to be penned up in small living spaces or corralled to and fro to meet the needs of the farmer. We are finicky and will not blindly feed on a concoction of unrecognizable nutrients and medications. We will not be handled and told what to do by others who think they are better than us, we are individuals and refuse to blend in with the rest of the "herd". And of course by no means would we ever allow ourselves to be killed for the comfort and gluttony of some fat farmer!
Can you feel the sarcasm here? Are you getting the picture? We ARE sheep, whether we want to admit it or not, we just operate on a much larger farm with varying levels of farm hands.
We do live penned up in small living spaces, some smaller than others, especially inner city and urban areas, we are corralled to fro via freeways, roadways, bus lines, subway, trolley cars or sidewalks, all so we can do our daily work for our "farmer", our "boss", so we can get to and from work where most Americans spend more than half of a twenty-four hour day. We are NOT finicky (at least not in this country) about what we eat, we like to pretend we are by denying ourselves things like fats, sugars or carbohydrates (ooh, they're evil!). Instead we gorge ourselves on corn syrup, poisonous artificial sweeteners and a slurry of other FDA approved toxins and supplements because they don't cost us much. We take a pill for anything and everything that ails us, we spend all our money treating things but never try and cure anything. We constantly look for ways to fit in, to be accepted, to be one of the "beautiful" people. We find our role models in celebrities and professional athletes rather than in teachers and skilled laborers. We put human beings on pedestals and worship them as god's. We are willing to go to war for "Our country", sometimes completely unsure of what the fight is really for, family and friends, not likely from wealthy families, risk their lives to preserve the comfortable way of life for fattened politicians who have no real idea what American peoples lives are like. We are sheep because we continue to choose the fattened politicians. Every four years we get a choice between two people, ONE Republican representative and ONE Democratic representative. Yes I know, there are a couple of independents there too, but really, who ever hears about them? All the media time is spent on these two people who begin with a lot of money then have to borrow more from other people or groups of people to keep the "campaign" going. Even if one of these two candidates starts the race with ideas and policies that you agree with and would vote for, they quickly change as they are forced to change their stance when they "borrow" money for their "campaign". Does it really cost that many millions of dollars to inform the nation about your policies and ideals nowadays? I mean, I'm doing it for free right now...
Eat some corn.-g

Freedom Toast!!!

In a further effort to "stick it to the Man", My family and I have taken up small scale urban farming. Initially it began with a small garden inside a dog kennel (how else do you keep a 150 lb knuckle-head dog from killing all your veggies), this year we decided, actually the wife gave me permission, to expand and till up some more of the yard. In addition, we expanded an unintentional (had to have some water line work done and we opted against replanting grass) flower bed in the front yard to accommodate sweet potatoes, collard greens, tomatoes and herbs. So currently we have no need to worry about tomato recalls as we are nearly ready to begin swimming in about five different varieties of tomatoes that we grew ourselves, chemical and contamination-free I might add. Next year we plan to continue to expand tilling up some more space and expanding our repertoire, if you will. Currently on our modest little quarter acre or less space we have Tomatoes, collards, zucchini, leeks, sweet potatoes, dragon tongue beans, chili peppers of various types, and a number of herbs, and there is still room for the kids and dog to play.
Now we have decided not only to "kick it old school" and grow our own but we are going to try and share with our family and neighbors as well as the general public by selling some stuff we are making from our space as well as from other local farmers, beginning with selling popsicles and a few other items at the Ohio Green Living Fayre on Labor Day ( www.ohiogreenliving.org ), also we (my wonderful wife really) has begun another blog to share what we are doing so I figured that I should plug that site too ( www.one20farm.blogspot.com ). However, I must warn those of you who are the faint-of-heart, the language is a little different than what you've become accustomed to on this site, it's all nice & shit. But never fear, hopefully next year I'll have plenty of corn growing for you all to eat...

Stop Shittin in My Spinach!!!

OK, first of all, I know that I was a little slow reacting on this one but trust me, it's been in the back of my mind for a while. In light of the recent "Tomato Plague" I felt that I needed to go ahead and address the subject.
To refresh your memory or to enlighten those who may not have been aware, here is a VERY brief synopsis of recent years food contamination events:
-2003 hepatitis outbreak linked to contaminated scallions (green onions) which I believe resulted in a few deaths, mainly in the elderly or very young children.
-2004 (or very close to then) E.coli outbreak linked to spinach, resulted in a lot of very sick people and I believe a few deaths, again only in the very young or very old.
-2006 Yet another E.coli outbreak in spinach again, with the same results, only this time I believe it resulted in far more incidents of illness and more deaths, NOT all in the very young or very old this time.
- 2008 This time the big scare is an outbreak of some rare form of Salmonella in tomatoes, particularly Roma/Plum, and round tomatoes (probably the most common types used in restaurants). I haven't checked on the confirmed reports of illness or death yet but the problem hasn't been resolved yet either.
Keep in mind, these are just the high profile mainstream occurrences that have made the news, there have been numerous other recalls on fresh produce due to contamination of some sort, they just stayed within the confines of the food service industry communications.
I could use this as an opportunity to promote Organics over conventional but that would be futile since one of the outbreaks was in Organic spinach. The solution to these types of problems isn't just Organics or just Locally grown foods, the solution is going to be in more responsible farming practices, stricter regulations for feedlot animal waste disposal, stricter regulations on packaging inspection and food testing, and greater accountability for the large scale farms, packaging companies and distributors who are transporting our foods across the country and across the seas.
Unfortunately this would likely mean a considerable increase in the cost of food in this country, which I have to say, I'm not exactly opposed to. Don't get me wrong, I'm not wealthy (not even close to rich), but I do believe that an increase in the cost of food could do one of two things, 1) drive out the production of so many overly processed low nutrition-low cost foods that are leading to a new health epidemic, OR 2) drive the food system even further towards overly processed low nutrition-low cost foods so much that the health of the general public plummets even more drastically, thus solving, in some morbid sense, the problem of over population since most children won't live nearly as long as their parents. But that is the cost of eating so much corn, so chow down! ;)

The "C" Word

I'd like to thank Food Network (to some extent), Top Chef, Hell's Kitchen and any of the other overly dramatic, pseudorealistic "Chef" shows that I may have missed. These shows, along with growing investment in "value added" products as well as an increase in lazy culinary degree students has seemed to strip the title Chef of it's original dignity.
Keep in mind that I am not from the "old country", nor was I trained by anyone from there, in fact there were a number of the old world culinary "rules" that I enjoyed disregarding in my formal education and beyond. However, there always seemed to be a certain respect and reverence given to someone who was the Chef, especially the Head Chef or Executive Chef, because it was presumed that they knew their stuff, that they had put in their time and paid-their-dues, typically working their way up through the ranks, from the lowly dishwasher, eventually to the Sous Chef and so on. This produces (in a dedicated person) a true Chef, someone who knows a his way around a kitchen whether it's his or not, this produces a Chef that knows how to properly use a knife whether it's on a piece of fruit or a side of beef.
This is what I was taught to believe that a Chef is, not merely a cook (they of course deserve their own respect), but someone who was a cook, artist, businessman, expediter, scientist, mentor, antagonist, protagonist, miracle-worker, butcher, fish monger, farmer, sociopath, madman, pirate, scholar, glutton, asshole and friend.
These television "personalities" that we enjoy watching so much (I'm guilty too) don't represent what it really is to be a Chef, some of the attributes are there, especially the ones that make for good TV, but the true reverence has been lost. We refer to any hack with a French knife or a skillet in his hand or a chef coat on her shoulders as a Chef even though they likely couldn't tell you the difference between a carrot and a parsnip or a loin and a tenderloin, hell they probably still try and saute food in a luke-warm skillet!
Unfortunately this may be the "Chef's" that we have created by our own recklessness. Now all you need to become a Chef is tuition money and time, sure you have to learn something in order to graduate and receive your "certification", but hell, a number of these schools and programs have such minimal requirements for on the job experience that you can become a Chef and barely lay foot in a real working restaurant kitchen.
I guess on the bright side, the drop-out rate for culinary school is still higher than the divorce rate, 50-75%. So it's good to know that some of these "I'm too good to do that" or "I'm not paid enough to have to do this" whining gringos are still getting sifted out. If we're really lucky, eventually (and I really doubt this) there will be more honest representation of what Chef's do and what restaurant work really is like.

Oodles of Noodles

First of all I have to admit, my family does indulge in the occasional (relatively often actually) practice of "Chinese Sunday" where we either order take out or sometimes go and sit down in the restaurant for dinner. Furthermore, I do on occasion cook linguine and tomato sauce, usually Prego ("it's in there") for dinner, but I recently felt compelled to do some quick research online to see if it added support to my theory that this town needs more Asian or Italian restaurants like I need another hole in the head (I happen to have one more than most people by the way).
Let's start with stats about Columbus, Ohio- size: 225.9 square miles, Population: 728432 people (estimate for 2003), Ancestral Demographic: German 19.4%, Irish 11.7%, Italian only 5%, and even less than that of Asian ancestry. Now a quick search on a few different search engines gave up an estimated 400 locations each for Italian and Asian restaurants in Columbus, Ohio. I have to say that as much as I'd like to take those numbers and say I proved my point, I think that sounds a bit extreme, even though that is for individual locations not just business names I'd say that we could knock at least 75 off of each to be fair, that's still 325 individual restaurant locations for each in the city, that's more than one Asian and Italian restaurant per square mile.
I would not be too outraged by this if these places were actually putting out greatly varying degrees of quality or regional ethnic fare but they're not! The vast majority of these "restaurants" are quick, low cost, low quality establishments that somehow manage to engage enough patrons to stay open. Even the higher end places offer little difference from one another, using the same ten ingredients in five different ways only of better quality and making them look prettier or maybe shaving some truffles on top to seem extraordinary. Not to mention how much of it is grossly Americanized, completely coated in sauce to cover any real texture or independent flavor, or so coated in oil and grease (especially the Asian foods) that it slides past your tongue too fast to actually taste it.
I know that these two have probably taken over considering that the culinary history of the top ancestral demographics in this town are less than reputable, I mean come on, German and Irish food? Are they ever really going to take root anywhere other than Germany or Ireland? Only after lots of alcohol to numb the taste buds and coat the gut. But honestly people, can we please stop being herded like sheep from identical restaurant to identical restaurant? We have already placed MacDonald's on the top of our food pedestal, and don't deny that we have, they didn't get to be that big without our help, and things will not get any different until we decide to change ourselves. Until we can begin to think for ourselves and forage for something really new, Baah-baah, eat that corn!

The Land of Rape & Butter

We thank the Lord for this our daily bread...
Bread- the mear mention of the word should send shivers down the spines of restaurant owners & workers everywhere.
Once upon a time, to go into a restaurant and have bread placed on your table meant that you were probably in a fine establishment where some artisan spent the wee hours of the morning pouring his heart into some sort of Boule or baguette for the fine patrons to enjoy as a "small" prelude to their meal or to be enjoyed along side what they ordered.
This is no longer the case. Now, it is expected, almost demanded that when people go out to eat, they be greeted by some grand gesture of never ending FREE bread, not to mention a tasty (and increasingly expensive) butter to accompany it. This expectation has no regard for whether or not the dining establishment has the space or capability to produce their own bread, and they needn't be concerned with such things, as there are a plethora of fine premade breads to be purchased and placed on the tables, one local restaurant in fact spent in excess of $25,000.00 in one year on FREE bread and the accompanying "dip", simply because they did not have the foresight nor the "balls" to simply say "no we don't have any FREE bread, sorry".
I would like to be clear, I do not blame the cyustomer for their demand for bread, although we don't go to any other business and "expect" to recieve some of that companies goods simply for sitting down. No, I blame the large chain so-called-restaurants such as Cooker (go figure, they're out of business), O'Charleys, and the like who began to popularize this rediculous concept in a business that already is possibly the least profitable business in the country. Likewise, I blame the restaurants who perpetuated this problem even when they had no real space or capability to make their own bread, but decided to go ahead and BUY bread to GIVE AWAY, really a genius business move (please tell me you sense the sarcasm).
In conclusion, I say to those restaurants that continue to serve purchased bread for FREE thus lowering the guest check, server tips, and overall profits of the business, good job jack ass! Thanks for Fuckin it up for the rest of us!
And to the Customer, without whom their would be no restaurant business, I ask, please consider the next time you go out to eat and want some bread, How many other companies are you willing to expect or demand FREE services from the next time you give them your business? And how upset might you get if the next time you go out, you are charged a minimal fee for bread that you requested?

Bacterial Racism

Children should play in the mud, infants & toddlers should be permitted to act as sharks and examine everything new with their mouths first, bachelors & miscellaneous college students should continue to eat pizza that has been left on the counter all night, the five second rule should be permitted-strike that-encouraged when pertaining to your own food. People should continue to share food and silverware with their pets, fathers should eat the slobber covered snacks that their kids didn't finish, and most of all, antibacterial soap should be banned with the exception of hospitals and healthcare facilities.
We need to get dirty again, we need to embrace the plethora of germs, bugs, bacterium & viral pathogens that await us at every turn. We need to face these adversaries head on with a "bring it on beyotch!" attitude rather than running with our tails between our legs to the family doctor for more antibiotics or the local pharmacy for a "peace-of-mind" flu shot.
"It's goin around"- the common blah-blah-blah heard this time of year in regards to countless sniffles, sneezes and bleeding ulcers of the skin. So far this year I've heard of probably five times as many people as usual being down for the count from the flu, I've even heard of a few schools closing due to high volume of "infected" students & faculty.
Super-Flu gonna git you! Hells no I ain't scared! (this sounds better when I sing it like an idiot)
I worked in numerous kitchens washing dishes for a few years, that's hundreds of thousands of plates, glasses and eating utensils covered with partially eaten food and breeding bacteria and viruses. I never called off because I was actually sick (oh, like you've never lied for a day off!) I virtually never got sick until I had kids and they brought home cooties from school, which coincidentally was after I stopped handling old food for a living.
We try and sterilize everything around us, antibacterial soap for our hands (what about the rest of our bodies), sanitizing wipes, sanitizing air fresh sprays, plastics with built-in microbial resistance, and I'm sure there are plenty of other items for the paranoid consumer that I'm missing. We have become so clean that our bodies are beginning to attack foods instead of germs -peanuts, wheat, fish, soy, milk, eggs, tree nuts- these are just the beginning, there are now new foods being imported from regions previosly unknown to our American immune systems, who knows what kinds of "introductory offers" these new foods might offer our overly clean systems.
So I encourage you all to live dangerously once in a while, don't wash your hands before eating, don't take hand sanitizer on that next fishing trip, drop a cookie on the floor and THEN eat it, and of course as always-eat that corn! -g

Killer "Buzz" Words

Organic, Green, Sustainable, Natural, Eco-Friendly, Bio-Whatever-
To a great many people, these words really mean something, or at least they used to but unfortunately, like so many other important words in this "Consumerist" (we're not even really Capitalist anymore) nation they have been raped and enslaved by marketing. No longer do these terms really hold the heft and meaning that they were originally intended, but instead they are becoming mere shadows of what they once were. I guess that is to be expected in a post modern society, that is, one that refuses to stand up for anything that it believes in for fear of offending someone (especially those with money).
I guess that I should be happy that these words still hold at least some of their original composition since it does mean that wherever they are means things are at least a bit cleaner than they used to be, i.e. the "organic" cattle ranch, although still not likely a large green pasture full of cows grazing on grass as they were designed to, is producing less toxic manure ponds because the feed is not utilizing fertilizer originally designed to kill people and/or plants.
Perhaps one day when the economy collapses and we all awaken from our walking-consumer-coma we will realize the importance of the slow life, the patient life, where our food is not treated like a machine and we do not consume like one. Until we reach that point, we will continue to eat our corn...-g

Testify!

OK, I'm not sure why, but I woke up this morning wondering what ever happened to all the atheists. It seems like there used to be one in every group of people that gathered for conversation, especially the ever noticeable "evegelatheists", dedicated to spreading their good news of impending nothingness and pointless existence. Could it be that they have gone the way of the Dodo, (no irony intended) could they have realized the inherent pointlessness in their "faith"? I can't remember the last time I heard anyone openly admit that they believe there is no afterlife or that there is no God, god, gods, goddess, deity, spirit of nature or some form of spiritual, mystical or supernatural realm outside of where we spend our daily lives. It seems as if everyone has some sort of philosophy about the spiritual nowadays, there's plenty of folks that I have heard speak of "going to church" or at least mentioning that they "need to get back to church", but I just don't hear "there's no God, when we die there is nothing else". Perhaps it's because we (as Americans) have become so complacent, P.C., and post modern that we can not commit to the immense stubbornness and rebelliousness it takes to say "my life is meaningless and everything that I am and do has no point".
I really don't know, perhaps I'm just not listening close enough to realize they are still out there, who knows. I just found that a strange thing to wake up wondering about.
Mange Maize!-g

FDA "Freakin Dumb Asses"

So I happened to be casually listening to NPR on my way home from work and as they breeze through a story about cloned animals. The premise was this, the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) has decided that meat, milk and eggs from cloned animals is safe for human consumption, however, they do not want any cloned products put on the market yet, due to numerous debates over the whole ethics of cloning issue. I don't doubt that cloned animals can provide safe food per Se, but why do we even need to clone animals for food to begin with? Oh wait, I know, because we think that we are God! (yeah I brought the big "G" into it!) First we selectively breed animals to obtain the best possible offspring (shootin craps in hopes of better tasting beef or a prettier puppy), once we got that down we decided to skip the whole intercourse part and go for artificial insemination so we could have more control (I think it was so somebody could "get with" their animals w/out looking like a pervert), finally we have moved on to taking our favorite "specimen" and recreating it's exact duplicate through strict scientific exercise. Everything in our control, the way we think it should be regardless of what millions of years of evolution has done. (yes God & evolution can coexist without destroying each other).
As for the FDA and their brilliant deduction that cloned animal products are safe for human consumption, these are the same people who allow countless medications to be rushed onto the market only to have to remove them later for being to dangerous for human consumption. Furthermore, the FDA says that they do not have the authority to require marking cloned food products as such so that people who do not want to purchase them can identify the "frankenfoods". So if they don't have the authority to require special labeling, then why do they have the authority to say that the product is safe? Hmmmm? Sounds like somebody has some deep pockets gettin filled.
Eat yer Corn!-g

Give Me Convenience Pt. II

"Mommy, What's a Chicken Bone?" The undeclared battle cry of a new generation and the thorn in the side of many a Chef around the country. In our unsolicited search for more food convenience, we have deemed it necessary to take the bones out of everything. This is not entirely new or entirely bad. We (cooks & butchers) have been removing bones from animals for almost as long as people have been eating the beasts. Without bones we wouldn't have such wonderful things as stocks with which to make soups and sauces, gelatin with which to make, well jello and some other savory albeit less than popular applications, hell, some people even eat the bones, or at least the protein rich soft gummy marrow in the center. However, It seems like ever since the introduction of the chicken nugget (which has become less chicken and more nugget, regardless of who makes it) people have begun to develop culinariboneaphobia (I made that one up), this is an irrational fear of bones in their food. This fear is, I believe, due to "Business" trying to sell such a convenience with food, an "added value" and having taken our food so far away from the farm where it began that we no longer can identify what we put in our mouth with where it originally came from. It is even our own sick desire for convenience that has driven this as well. We have no problem plucking a plant from the ground and putting that in our mouth (after it's been thoroughly washed of course!) but we don't want to face facts when it comes to animals. Probably because the massive industrial complex that is American meat packing ("Business") is so perversely disgusting, corrupt and unethical that we don't want to face up to what we are supporting, especially since it's so damn affordable. We are so self absorbed in our own convenience that we have even recently taken the chicken wing, a very affordable (at least before it's massive popularity) piece of meat, placed naturally and conveniently on little tiny easy to maneuver bones, which gave it not only it's name (since it was obvious that it came from the wing of a chicken) but also imparted a great flavor when cooked, making it edible with out sauce if you were so bold. Now this too is being lost, making way for the "boneless wing" (OK you realize how fucking stupid that sounds), a chunk of strangely formed chicken and miscellaneous other products pressed together and sauced for your eating convenience. The ingredient list alone is ridiculous, a chicken wing was naturally designed to consist of : Chicken wing sections, Oil in which to fry the wings, Flour *optional to coat the wings for better sauce adhesion, and whatever goes into any one of a thousand + sauces that you could choose from. A boneless chicken wing ingredient list (also known as a renamed chicken nugget): I don't want to type them all out for fear of carpel tunnel syndrome, but it varies from between probably 12 and 40 ingredients, that doesn't include the sauce.
Wherever he is, Gary Larson (created the Far Side Comic) is probably laughing his ass off whenever he sees boneless chicken-something on a menu, because I'm sure that some scientist somewhere, someday will figure out how to bring Larson's "Boneless Chicken Ranch" to reality.
I know I've already mentioned before that if you can't face the fact of what you are eating then you should be a vegetarian but don't worry, "business" is hard at work as we speak, making sure that you never have to recognize your food ever again, hell, eventually it will all be different flavored concoctions of corn and soy and you won't have to worry about it (not that you do now), but until we reach that great soilent green moment, remember-
Eat your Corn!-g

Clarity

I had a sudden realization today that in some of my posting, I have made numerous comments that might misrepresent me as being a vegetarian. Let me be perfectly clear on this one,
"I EAT MEAT THAT COMES FROM DEAD ANIMALS".
That being said, I apologize to the vegetarian public if they mistook me for a brother in arms, so-to-speak, I just don't see myself as becoming a vegetarian any time soon if at all. Unlike a large number of meat eating individuals (especially in this country), I understand where meat comes from and how it must be "processed" by means of the blade, to make it to my plate and I accept that (at least the organic, grass-fed, free-range, toxin-free version). I agree, it's not pretty, but I believe that in "moderation" there's nothing wrong with it. As for our vast acres of corn-fed toxic waste producing E.Coli breeding feed lot "food", well there's not much that isn't wrong with that.
Vegetarianism ain't all bad, hell, there's plenty of the world that has this approach to food and they do OK (probably because they're not getting ripped off in the flavor department like the Americans), I'd even go so far as to say that being Vegetarian is respectable and admirable (especially if you're able to endure the sub standard U.S. veggie food), as long as you're not trying to substitute vegetables for meat (Tofurkey?Veggie Jerky? Pseudo Sausage? C'mon now!). Take a note from Indian and Asian cooking, they've been doing it well for a really long time and it even tastes good (most of the time).
Vegans on the other hand, well I think this dietary mutation is more of a recent development for mankind, probably mostly popular only here in the U.S. I just don't know that the rest of the world would willingly go to such (dare I say- silly) extremes. I know I'll probably get some grief for this one, but hey, at least I know they can't hurt me, it would go against their vegan lifestyle! Yeah, I'm a jerk, I know. :)
Eat yer Kerns! -g

Give Me Convenience or Give Me Death

Other possible titles for this one were
-KFC vs. McD's, a Whole Foods Smackdown! OR
-"Mommy, What's a Chicken Bone?"
With cultural roots in Punk & Hardcore, I had to give a nod to the Dead Kennedy's and borrow a title from them, thanks Jello!
Convenience-it has replaced virtually every major (and minor) religion, every vice and addiction (or at least tied itself to current ones). Everywhere we look, there is some sort of convenience to be purchased or somehow attained, usually at a convenient price and in a convenient package. Everything is about speeding up, quick fixes and immediate gratification. Hell, even if you hear about something selling "slowness" it has to be presented in a convenient package just to get some attention.
Why the other titles if this is about convenience? well that will take a couple of inconvenient installments I'm afraid, but first I'll begin with the "KFC vs McD's, a Whole Foods Smackdown". This is really a study on the way that "Business" has made so-called-food more convenient. I decided to pick two large companies in the U.S. fast food chain business even though they have slightly different genres and compare their menus. The McDominant "business" has a very limited number of items that are remotely recognizable as once being whole foods. The easiest to recognize would be the lettuces, tomato slices, diced onion and even the pickle slices that adorn their numerous "burgers" which are only assumed to be food because the art of grinding muscle into paste is such a part of American and immigrant food history (hamburger, hot dogs, sausages, salumi, meatloaf, etc.) Beyond these few items, the menu gets more blurry, especially the closer you get to the chicken nuggets. However, if you take a trip down the street to see the Colonel at the "Business formerly known as Kentucky Fried Chicken", there are some of those same items as well as a few others. Cole slaw has some slightly recognizable bits of carrot and cabbage (actual nutritive vegetables!), they have CORN in it's natural form, on the cob!(this is really a breakthrough nowadays) and the jewel in the crown, in my opinion at least, they have chicken, not just whole pieces of boneless skinless flavorless muscle strands but actual chicken, white AND dark meat and it's ON THE BONE! That is Fucking amazing! Especially if you consider that this "Business" changed from a respectable name that described them by regional origin(Kentucky), cooking style(Fried) and food type(Chicken) to a dumbed down, virtually illiterate, nondisclosure mystery title -KFC- Although I'm sure they would never admit to thinking of their customers as uneducated, attention deficit, morons (KFC is shorter & more convenient to say). At least they are still serving food that, although much of it has given way to speed and convenience, still can be recognized as something that once belonged to the food chain.
Now this really only opens the door to the whole subject of food with bones (a new American Taboo) but I'll continue with that next time, I have to, boneless chicken wings are a pet peeve of mine. Until then,
Eat your corn!-g

Minimum Wage War

I keep hearing news of impending problems with the economy due to numerous causes, the most obvious being the cost of fuel to get anywhere, especially with it's expected rise in the next few months. One area that I think you can expect to start seeing some steady changes is in the food service industry, that is anything from White Castles to Fine Dinning.
First of all, I hope that I turn out to be wrong on this somehow, but I just can't see how an acceptable balance will be found.
The problem is this: PART A) Minimum Wage is now $7.00 per hour (in Ohio), that is for any person off the street regardless of experience. Don't get me wrong, i think that it needed to be raised from the $5ish dollars it was for so long, a number of people unfortunately are reliant on minimum wage to pay their bills and keep from becoming homeless, but that's a different story all together. PART B) The average starting pay for food service workers probably averages at about $9.00 per hour for someone with some previous experience in food service. I believe McDonald's starts at around $8.50 per hour, however they have plenty of capital to draw on and certainly have a much higher profit margin than restaurants that are more upscale.
PART C) Typically, restaurant owners, especially if a restaurant is owned by a group of people, are not going to want to endure great strain on their profits due to a rise in the cost of employment, here are some options of what will be done; 1. Higher costs of eating out, even more so than just with inflation since it now cost more to ship foods with rising fuel costs. That Filet Mignon that everyone thinks is so great no longer will run you $18-$25 an entree but more like $25-$30. Increased cost of goods, and labor will eventually make their way to the plate. 2. "The Wal-Mart Dilemma"- Restaurants that are accustomed to hiring more experienced people to offer higher quality goods and services will begin to hire less experienced people at a cheaper wage to maintain similar menu pricing that won't scare off customers. The idea here is same quality for a lower price. This can work to an extent, but eventually, you get what you pay for. Wal-Mart is Very affordable (hence the grotesquely large company that it is) but they have what has got to be some of, if not the worst customer service of any store in the United States. A huge company can afford to do this because people will buy needed/wanted items regardless of service especially if the end product is acceptable. However, if a restaurant begins to drop off in their service and their food becomes "less than acceptable" at the same time, this could completely destroy a small or independently owned operation. (Although this could be a great way to thin out the over abundance of mediocre-to-bad Italian Pasta/Pizza and Chinese restaurants in town). 3. Finally, much smaller portions. (this is my positive spin on a bad situation) Quality could remain the same as what has come to be expected, Prices could remain the same as they have except for the occasional hike due to inflation, the only noticeable difference is one that The U.S. has needed for quite some time anyway, less food on the plate. Let's face it, most of us aren't going to starve to death if that ridiculous 12-14 ounce steak goes down to an 8 ounce one, god forbid, there might leave room for some vegetation on the plate. There are some other health benefits to this as well, less meat (any miscellaneous dead animal) on the plate coupled with more vegetables and legumes (the mid west gets plenty of frickin starch!) could eventually lead to less cancer, lower risk of heart disease, lower rates of obesity and type II diabetes, children that will actually live longer than their parents, the list could go on.
I just wanted to put this out there so people aren't too surprised in the next year or so as things start to really change, especially if the minimum wage continues to rise each year, in which case the economy will eventually, completely fall apart and we'll be run by another country, but until then,
Eat your corn! -g

This Place is Beautiful!

I know that this will probably deal a fatal blow to the die-hard OSU footbal fans out there but if there is one thing I've noticed in my 30+ years living in Ohio, especially in the city, it is this: This place is a crappy place to spend the winter! (and many times autumn & spring for that matter)
I guess if lifeless, wet salt stained and brown with a touch of bone-chilling bitter cold and LOT'S of gray is your thing then it's OK, but if you are into things like color, sun, warmth and life outside the house, this place get's really old, not to mention if you are unfortunate enough to suffer from Migraine headaches, then you're likely to be awakened what seems like most mornings by that all to familiar pain inside your skull that seems determined to get out and attack the rest of the world.
I know what you're thinking, 'if it's so bad, why not leave?" That's a great idea! Why didn't I think of that like twenty years ago when I realized that I was never going to like this place for nearly half the year?! Honestly, I would leave tomorrow for more southern regions like the Carolina's (fried pork chops & braised greens!) or on further and border jump to Mexico (Tacos, Tamales, Chilies galore!) if only I could afford to take the great family & friends here in Columbus with my family & I. Yeah sure, I could skip out on my wife & kids like so many male gendered individuals before me (I don't like to call them "Men"), but as crazy as this might sound to our modern American culture, I still love my wife after fourteen years of marriage (and I've never slept on the couch), and I love my kids and really enjoy being a father, even when they irritate the piss out of me. I guess I could rally the wife & kids together with me and leave behind the rest of our family and friends and start all over somewhere else! Hmmm, nope! I don't think that'll work either. There's just something about that, seems overly selfish. We may be a disfunctional family (you know you are too), but we like each other, we enjoy the frequency we have with one another (most of the time).
I've got it! Myself, Wife, kids, family, friends- all of us- Mass Exodus! We'll skip town to Mexico (I think we can leave behind all our bills that way) and start up a new town of gringos! Perfect! I'll draw up the plans and send them on to you all shortly.
Until then-Eat your Corn! -g

Procrastination Never Prospers

I've tried to put off doing this whole "blog" thing as long as I could, honestly, I'd rather write an actual book of memoirs or rantings and ventings about food, lifestyle, government, environment, etc. but let's face it, I'm rather poor and can't afford the publishing. Besides, at the rate things are going, the printed word will probably be going extinct in the next couple of decades (gotta spend more time tracking the trailer-trash-capades of Brit & K-fed), let's turn those book stores & libraries into another "McStarbuckalds" or something the public actually wants and will use.
But I digress, after much resistance, contemplative thought and agonizing nicotine withdrawel (yeah! stickin it to the man!), I finally gave in to the "blog". My poor wife could no longer be the only recipient of my numerous disgruntlements regarding food and it's heinous treatment at the hands of "Business". Now I'm not just talking about "grrr, McDonalds-bad" or "meat is murder" ( which incidentally it is, so if you want to eat meat you should honestly face the fact that it is a dead animal rolling around in your mouth or stop picking on the vegetarians!), I'm talking about the vast majority of food that you can buy at any given store whether it's a gas station or an upscale grocery market.
I won't go into great detail just yet, most of us have plenty of time for that except for the guy who eats fast food more than 4 times a week, he'll probably miss the end, but trust me, the "Business" will make sure that I don't soon run out of irritation on which to spew forth more detail. So until next time,
Eat all that Corn! -g